My Sweet Marie

Ambivalence…

Posted on: January 31, 2012

Ambivalence…do you ever have words just come in your head? This one has been plaguing me for three weeks! The thing is, I know why! I am feeling very ambivalent about our upcoming trip! I am very excited to be getting away from winter for a short time and get some sun, heat and to rejuvenate! I also am very sad about leaving my daughter in the hospital, hence the ambivalent feelings!

Logically, I know she is a grown woman who has a husband that takes very good care of her and that she is in the best medical facility in Ontario for her predicament!   Holly is well-being cared for by her other grand-parents who adore her and she adores right back! So what’s the issue then?

The issue is that your maternal instincts, or at least mine, don’t shut off the minute your daughter turns 18! I still feel the need to feed her, to care for her and to make sure she is happy! I also know that there are times that you just want your Mom and I hope that won’t happen while I am away!

She is 25 but she still is my daughter and her sister is 31 but still they need me and believe me, I need them! I heard a woman recently say that she couldn’t wait for her daughter to be 18 so she could relax on the parenting…huh is all I thought to myself!

You never stop worrying, perhaps the worries change or the issues are different but still they need you. We may not be telling them what time to get to bed but they may ask parenting advice or did ever…? I’m getting off topic some here so I’ll back up!

So to put my ambivalent feelings to rest, I have promised to call often from Mexico, actually I told her everyday and she told me not to! I have also arranged for a few treats to be delivered to her while I am away, hence the feeding issue! I don’t want her to be lonely so I am hoping the local family will step up and visit her a bit more to keep her company as well!

Melanie is now 34 weeks and could have this baby anytime or she could go the distance and deliver at 37 weeks as the doctors hope. If she does go the distance then we’d be home, if not, then we’d be away for the baby’s delivery. I’ll let baby decide if he/she wants us around for the delivery!

I think I have everything covered so maybe I can go back to feeling excited about this trip again?

Cheers folks!

Sweet Marie

 

 

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